CHECKLIST FOR DETECTING MENTAL DISORDERS IN YOUR UNBORN CHILD FROM CONCEPTION TO BIRTH

Foreword: Allied Pharmapseudocals are most grateful on this very important issue for the input of  renowned child psychiatrist Doctor Dimitri Prapostoros of  Bertie Einstein College of Pseudomedicine and his wife, Lydia Prapostoros, co-authors of "The Bipolar Embryo". Indeed, without Prapostoros Pseudoscience, many newborns would go entirely undiagnosed, failing to get the drug treatment desperately needed after 9 months of mental suffering.  Prapostoros Paediatric science has been the source of inspiration for authors of a number of Childrens' Meducational Books, like "Billy and the Bipolar Baboon" and "My Bipolar Big Dipper Feelings Book".  As a result, children as young as "TWO" are taking gentle and beneficial anti-antipsychotics like our Blockbuster LIPREXA without a hint of the natural childhood tantrums we would expect from being told to down such a dangerous side-effect ridden drug  once a day.  Dr & Mrs Prapostoros are a welcome "Boon" to Allied Pharmapseudocals, AP shareholders, our industry doctors and our profits.

We at Allied Pharmapseudocals are dedicated to ensure parents avoid the pitfalls of mistaking  embryonic, fetal, infant, toddler and older children's behaviour as natural progressions of childhood and by so doing, deprive children from a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder or ADHD and appropriate drug treatment which would have ensured steady growth from childhood to maturity in that "21st Century psychological & physiological chemically-altered, Hippies Took Drugs - Now Its Infants"  kind of way.

'Mental Diseases of the Brain' are caused by "Imbalances of Chemicals' we "know" little about and these benefit from being selectively yet chaotically disrupted  by toxic chemicals at the very earliest opportunity.  To this end Allied Pharma is adding below every symptom that shows during prenatal development which might be translated into net profit. Trust our "science" - childhood IS a disease.

CHECKLIST:

FIRST TRIMESTER

Morning Sickness

Expectant mothers have for centuries been hoodwinked into believing this to be a natural metabolic occurrence of early pregnancy.  However, our scientists at Allied Pharmapseudocals believe this may be caused by carrying a distressed embryo with a mental disorder such as Bipolar or ADHD who, in a desperate attempt to draw  urgent attention to his plight and receive prescription drug intervention, waggles his tail about wildly to create a constant turbulence in the amniotic fluid, hence causing the effect we will refer to as "Inverted Sea-Sickness in the Uninformed Mother-to-be".

To be continued (OK, OK! AND improved!)